Tag Archives: Brent White

Threads – Expressions of PosAutivity #AutismPositivity2014

By Alex Forshaw

#AutismPositivity2014FlashblogIn the three-or-so years since I started this blog after recognizing I was autistic, I have come a long way in my understanding of autism and of myself. I have found myself, together with other autistic people, parents, advocates and allies, as a member of an extended online community that in my experience sets the standard for friendliness and mutual support.

Most of all, I feel fully accepted by my peers for who I am. Among my circle of friends, most of whom I have never met in person, I feel safe. These online spaces — blogs, social media — are a kind of refuge to which I can retreat when Real Life threatens to overwhelm me. In honor of that here is my contribution to the 2014 Autism Positivity Flash Blog.

Threads

Like the Norse of long ago
Whose Norns would weave the threads of lives,
Warp and woof and who could know
When theirs would end with flashing knives,
Live your life from day to day
As if each sunrise were your last.
Friends and love: for these I pray;
All else is moot, the runes are cast.

“God does not play dice,” it’s said,
And Chaos rules the universe.
‘Til the day you wind up dead
You play the hand you’re dealt at birth.
Should you feel you have no choice
And all is written in the stars,
Listen to your inner voice;
Accept yourself for who you are.

New threads join: new friends, a wife,
And how it ends I cannot say.
Grasp the threads that form your life
And weave your pattern your own way.

Coda

Discovering that I am autistic was a positive experience for me. I was finally able to understand why I am different from so many of the people around me. It gave me a structure on which to build my self-understanding. From understanding grew acceptance which blossomed into love: I love my autistic self.

As I have mentioned many times before I have made a number of friends within the autism community. From the first person with whom I connected online, Bird, my circle grew and there are too many loving, supportive friends for me to mention them all. But it seems unfair not to recognize at least some of the people who hold a special place in my heart. So, in no particular order, …

(I know there are many people I have not mentioned, and I apologize to those I did not list here.)

Original post at: http://bjforshaw.wordpress.com/2014/04/30/expressions-of-posautivity-autismpositivity2014/

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Filed under Autism Positivity 2014, Autism Positivity Flash Blog, Expressions of PosAutivity, Flash Blog Posts

“He is sitting in a Chair” A Description of Friendship – Expressions of PosAutivity: #AutismPositivity2014

By Brent White

I observed an interesting encounter yesterday between ACAT/ACT teachers and our participant Rafael. Rafael and his group were working with a relationship curriculum and discussing friendships. The teachers ask Rafael who his friends were. He thought about it for a while and said that Ihe was his friend. Rafael and Ihe have been forming a lovely bond over the last few months. The teachers next ask Rafael why Ihe was his friend. This question took longer to answer, but after careful thought, Rafael said, “He is sitting in a chair.” It is easy to take Rafael’s answer literally; Ihe was sitting next to him at the time, but I understood the intention differently. Their friendship is expressed by proximity, but not by words. They choose to sit together all the time on BART, at lunch or when working in groups as they were yesterday.

It got me thinking about how important it is for me when someone chooses to sit next to me in social situations. Like many autistic folks, social pragmatics are an issue for me. It isn’t that I don’t want to be friendly or meet new people, nor is it simply an issue with shyness or awkwardness. The issue for me is walking up to someone [stranger or not] and striking up a conversation makes no sense. I have no access to how it works. I know intellectually how conversation, particularly small talk should work, but I cannot conceptualize the process in in my mind. It is blank. Add to this, difficulties with understanding spoken language or understanding the flow and mechanics of conversation in general. Social situations, especially as gateways to forming friendships are most often frustrating and stressful.

This is life-long for me, from my childhood until now at age 55; it has never changed. While I’ve learned adaptations along the way, the nuts and bolts of social interactions have remained just out of my reach, a confounding mystery. It can be lonely and isolating watching social interaction happening all around me and feeling shut out, not because I’m not invited, but because I can’t internally access it, at least not on my own. This is why someone choosing to sit next to me and attempt to strike up a conversation is so important. It doesn’t always work, but it works sometimes. Someone taking the time and looking past my conversational awkwardness can be a blessing. While I don’t have many friends, my friendships have often started when someone chose to sit next to me.

When Rafael said of Ihe’s friendship, “He is sitting in a chair”, I heard something beautiful and profound. I heard that Ihe is kind and sweet and takes the time to sit with Rafael. I heard that Ihe is willing to bridge whatever conversational gap might exist, and importantly, that friendships can exist on a non-verbal level and succeed. In fact their connection runs both ways, as Rafael also chooses to sit with Ihe as well. The friendship between Ihe and Rafael is forged through the presence of the other and language is not necessary. “He is sitting in a chair” as a description of why someone is a friend, is a deep and endearing answer. For me, it is one of the most interesting and understandable I have ever heard.

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Rafael and Ihe riding the BART train

Original Post from ACAT: Ala Costa Adult Transition Program :http://alacosta-acat.org/2014/03/26/he-is-sitting-in-a-chair-a-description-of-friendship/

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