By Brigid Rankowski
My trips will take me to two major flow events. For these weekends, I can spin my props until I can’t feel my hands anymore. Then I’ll spin using other body parts just to keep spinning. Reconnecting with amazing people who don’t flinch at my obscure pop culture references allows me to be social in my own special way. I literally get to talk about or indulge my special interests almost non-stop and it’s so liberating.
I’m free to be me.
Self Love is a work in progress for me. There have been deep dark holes in my past where I didn’t like myself. I fell into the spiral of negativity; which has ALWAYS been around my social interactions with people. Saying the wrong thing, doing something awkward, laughing at the wrong time, getting lost in the conversation: those little things other people never paid attention to or noticed ate me up from the inside.
Then one day I woke up and realized who I am.
There is no one else exactly like me in the entire world.
Every day is a new change to play and explore the world around me. The first steps to fully embracing myself involve not being so judgmental or holding myself to lofty expectations. My apartment will never be spotless and my laundry will only be fully put away when it decides to communicate with me. “Perfect” is an illusion we create of some imaginary life we think we are supposed to have.
Instead of being social tonight, I’m taking it easy at home. I’ve defrosted a pizza and have a bottle of wine. It’s an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind type of night as I get things prepared for an active weekend in front of me. Tonight needs to be restful so I’m on top of my game for this weekend. Take it easy on yourselves and treat each other well.
And maybe it’s funniest of all
To think I’ll die before I actually see
That I am exactly the person that I want to beAmanda Palmer – In My Mind