This post was originally published on Outrunning The Storm at http://outrunningthestorm.wordpress.com/2013/04/30/outrunning-the-storm-celebrates-1000-ausome-things-autismpositivity2013/ and is reprinted here with permission from the author.
So what is my Ausome thing about Autism?
It’s last week at the dinner table. My NT son Tommy asks why his autistic brother, Charlie often falls asleep on the bus.
I muse that I had always assumed the movement was soothing to him, before asking Charlie if he knew why.
I just like to listen to the motor. If I push my head against the window I can hear it better.
Tommy and I sit back for a minute pondering what is a new idea for both of us.
I guess I never noticed the way the motor sounds, I say, I will have to pay attention to that. Cool.
Yeah, I think I just like to read or talk to my friends, Tommy shrugs and returns to dinner.
The Professor gets a twinkle in her eye and says how when she was little she used to try to sing along to the car engine because it sounded like such a pretty song to her.
Charlie gets a huge grin across his face and says simply, You’re Autistic, Mama.
And that’s it.
That is my one Ausome thing about Autism. That is my 1000 Ausome things about Autism.
It’s my family. It’s the thing I cherish most in this world. It’s the people without whom my life simply wouldn’t be complete.
It’s an exploration of the different ways we all experience the world.
It’s the song of a bus motor that not everyone can hear.
Autism is a thread that weaves it’s way through so much of my life. A thread that can not be disentangled from so much of what I love.
And the thing about love is, it isn’t always easy.
It can take a lot of work.
Sometimes it tears you down and strips you raw. Sometimes it can feel like the sheer weight of it might crush you.
Sometimes it feels so achingly precious you want to wrap it up tight in all of your hopes and fears and dreams just to keep it safe.
Ah but sometimes, sometimes when we finally just let go, when we free the last of what holds back our hearts and we just let it happen. In those moments when we feel it, bursting like a spring river though every vein in our bodies, it can lift us. It can show us our world. Ourselves. Our possible. In a way we’d never before imagined. In way that will change everything. Forever.
That is my love.
That is my Ausome.
That is my Autism.