To “I Wish I Didn’t Have Asperger’s” – An Open Letter from Forgotten

This post was originally published at and is reprinted here with permission from the author.


To “I Wish I Didn’t Have Asperger’s” – An Open Letter from Forgotten

Oh, sweetheart. I’m so glad you clicked to here. Please come here and sit by my side and tell me your story. You see I’m an Aspie, too, so I get it. I get how hard it is to communicate with others. I get how frustrating it is to never really know if people are being sincere to you or not. I get how bad you want to scream because people won’t just say what they mean and mean what they say.

I also get why it’s so heartbreaking sometimes to be a parent to a child who struggles with Asperger’s or Autism. I’m a mommy to twin boys who are both at different points on the spectrum, too. These boys and their little sister are the lights of my life.

I know you’re struggling right now. I know you’re looking for answers, maybe even a cure. I make this request of you, please don’t ever wish away a part of yourself. Your Asperger’s makes you unique. It makes you beautiful. It makes you see the world differently than everyone else on the planet. You don’t think like others so you’ll never be “just another fish in the pond”. Your thoughts are valuable. Your point of view is priceless. You are heard.

I’ll be the first to stand up and offer you my hand, or my ear, or my shoulder…whatever you need to make yourself feel supported. We’re out here. We’re parents of others in your situation. We’re people who live with Asperger’s or Autism every day of our lives. We’re siblings of brothers and sisters who are on the spectrum. We’re grandparents of individuals with Asperger’s and Autism. We’re people with success stories to share, with happy memories to make, with dreams we are one step closer to fulfilling every day…we’re people like you.

I know you’re struggling. I know your heart may feel shattered right now. Just please remember that we are here. We are a community of friends online and in real life who will walk with you, cry with you, talk with you, and rejoice with you over victories both big and small. We are open hearts and open minds. Seek us out any time you need us and we will be here.

Please know that it gets better. The world is slowly starting to realize how important it is to know people like us and to understand how to reach and be reached by us. We are gaining acceptance to the outside world but just know that here you are accepted. You are completely accepted. No caveats, no requirements, no “if only’s”. You are accepted and you are welcomed with open arms.

The search that brought you here has brought you to a safe place. It has brought you to a place where you will be heard. It has brought you to a jumping off point to a magnificent community full of people who get it. You can click on any blog link to the right and they will take you to someone else who will accept you and I am adding to this list almost all the time. You are part of a wonderful community that you never knew existed. Stay a while and get to know everyone. Once we get to know you, we will take every opportunity to remind you of just how great you are, Asperger’s and all. I promise. And I don’t break promises. I’m here for you. Just take my hand.




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7 responses to “To “I Wish I Didn’t Have Asperger’s” – An Open Letter from Forgotten

  1. Pingback: To “I Wish I Didn’t Have Asperger’s” – An Open Letter from Forgotten « Neurodiversity Coaching

  2. Stephanie

    I’m 13 and I think I have autism.I feel really sacred and I hate the fact that I’m never going to be normal.That people will treat me like I’m mental,or crazy.And I feel mental and crazy.It isn’t fair that I will never have a normal life.That I won’t ever be understood or have friends because they are afraid of me or think I’m crazy.I just Hate it.I want to be normal I want to be on the same page as others I wouldn’t care if I had a normal,boring life just as long as I didn’t feel like I was crazy or treated differently than others in a way that just makes me feel retarded.I just feel scared and horrible.

    • When I was 13 I got picked on a lot and I felt kind of like you do most of the time. And I hated it too. But it wasn’t my fault, and it isn’t your fault either. You’re not crazy and there is nothing wrong with you. If you really do have autism, you could see if there is an autism organization in your area where you could find some autistic friends. Autistic friends are great to have because they will be able to relate to you better than others. You could also see if you can get a diagnosis, just to make sure that autism is really the problem and not something more complicated. Your whole life will change when you finish high school. School was the hardest part about being autistic for me.

    • I’m wondering what’s making you think that it’s autism? Don’t get me wrong–very often we suspect before anyone else. I was undiagnosed into my late twenties, but I can clearly remember 3 or 4 specific times that I thought to myself “I must be autistic” during my youth and younger adulthood. Those weren’t the only times I had problems, but they were the times that my problems were very specific in a certain way. Through it all, my parents and friends kept telling me I was “just a teenager” or “just having trouble starting out like everyone does”. I never tried to talk to them about the specific things that made me feel autistic because they seemed so dismissive, but I wish I would have. What are your specific things that are standing out to you?

    • leighforbes

      Hi Stephanie, I’m autistic, and I can remember feeling like you when I was thirteen; but the thing is, I’ve learned that although not everyone wants to be my friend, the nice people do. I have a fine group of friends, who they love me *because* I am autistic, because my autism makes me quirky in way that normal people can never be. Please, let yourself be you, lovely, quirky you. If people think you’re crazy, it’s their loss. If they can’t make an effort to be nice to you, they don’t deserve your friendship. Seriously.

  3. I agree with @AspieKid, if you believe you are autistic, seek out a diagnosis. Knowing yourself better is one of the first steps to helping others know you as well. 🙂

    People are afraid of things they cannot experience for themselves or things that they don’t understand. Keep this in mind when others are mean to you because it generally means they are just scared themselves. I had a really hard time in school, too, but it does get better.

    I also agree that your life will completely change when you get out of high school. There are so many wonderful things in this world just waiting for you to experience them. College will give you a chance to pursue subjects that truly do interest you and it will bring you around people who share those interests.

    I know that’s a long time from now though. It is hard to wait so for now I suggest starting off by getting a diagnosis from a professional or talking to the councillor at school. The councillor can connect you with others who are also dealing with the same kinds of things that you are. Just remember to hang in there. I am here if you need someone to talk to. Feel free to email me at fairytaleforgotten-at-gmail-dot-com. You can also find me at @TwinsMa on twitter and @AspieKid is also on twitter. Just send me a message and I’ll be there to help. It does get better. (((HUGS)))

  4. As a mother of a 14 yo girl I would first urge you to speak to an adult that may be able to help you. You need to reach out to someone you can trust for help You shouldn’t have to deal with this alone. If you can get tested to see if you are autistic and what if any other things may be going on, then that would be ideal. Sometimes, depression and other things accompany autism and make things more complicated than they have to be. You may be able to get some relief. Even if you don’t have autism, you still seem to be in a lot of distress from something and I don’t think anyone should have to spend everyday feeling like you do. I hope that you can talk to one of your parents, or the guidance counselor at school. You’re too young to deal with this alone and be suffering as much as you are. You deserve to feel good about yourself and to be happy. I hope you reach out soon.

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