This post was originally published at http://fabautistic.blogspot.com/2012/04/fabautistic-to-i-wish-i-didnt-have.html and is reprinted here with permission from the author.
Where do I start? I am often perplexed when I see statements such as “I wish I didn’t have Asperger’s” or “Autism/Asperger’s is a curse”. I wonder what could have happened to make a person feel that way. I hope I don’t come across as judgmental. That is not my intention. You see, I have lived a life filled with abuse. My parents did and said many things to me. I was bullied in schools, church and Girl Scouts by teachers, leaders and peers. I was even bullied by my hair dresser, who used to viciously yank my hair every time she combed it and tell me it didn’t hurt. A family member once pulled a friend of mine to the side to tell them I was stupid and naive. In all of that, I never once wished I was anything other than what I am. Of course I secretly wished for a new family, but never took the blame for what they chose to do to me.
I want you to know that you are someone special.
Your opinions count.
You have a voice in this world.
You have a place in this world.
You are beautiful.
You are not to blame for anything wrong that someone else has done to you.
If you have been abused or are currently being abused, know that it is not your fault. It is the abuser’s choice that they do what they do. They have their own reasons and more than likely those reasons have nothing to do with you. Abusers live in their own hell and many times are unable to break the cycle of abuse. This is not an excuse by any means. There are no excuses for abuse. It helped me to know that my abusers were people that had deep seeded problems that had not been dealt with, so they chose to take it out on someone they considered to be weak, me. In all actuality it is the abuser that is weak. They are not strong enough to face their own issues. They are not strong enough to stop abusing and get help. They seek unconventional ways to make themselves feel better which is usually hurtful to someone else.
The most wonderful thing about being Aspie is…
Absolutely, positively outside of the box thinkers
Eloquent in expression, however we chose to express ourselves.
Life can be difficult, no matter what the circumstances. Embrace who you are and all the wonderful attributes you have.
It may help you to find someone that you can talk to, perhaps join a group on face book that makes you feel comfortable and safe; a place where you can share your feelings and experiences in a warm supportive environment.
Don’t give up.