This post was originally published at http://aspergermoeder.blogspot.com/2012/04/aspergermoeder-to-i-wish-i-didnt-have.html and is reprinted here with permission from the author.
Aspergermoeder to “I Wish I Didn’t Have Aspergers”: #AutismPositivity2012
We heard your cry for help, for acceptance and for recognition and we are here. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! We know how you feel, we know what you’re going through and we’ve all been there. I’ve been there, I have SO been there, only I didn’t know it was called Asperger’s. For me it was a daily struggle to be normal, to be accepted. Untill I found out I have Asperger’s at the age of 29.
I’ve lived with consciously with Asperger’s for two years now. And eversince I have tried to accept myself and the limits of my body and mind. Of course as a person with autism I have a lot of qualities as do others with or without autism, but I also fight daily against emotional and physical overload. A meltdown is always only one unexpected situation away. When I’m having a meltdown I try to say to myself this phrase that I saw on a calender once: “This too shall pass…”. It isn’t easy and it doesn’t always help, but nowadays I put my energy into accepting myself and try to have selfcompassion instead of trying to fulfill everyone’s expectations.
I’ve felt like a failure and a freak so many years and I still feel like that sometimes. I’ve wished a million times to be ‘normal’, I’ve cried, I’ve prayed, I’ve cursed! But nothing can change the fact that I have Asperger’s, it will never go away.
Now I am leaving ‘normal’ behind. I embrace my quirkiness and so do my loved ones. My family accepts me for who I am, but they don’t always understand me. It can still happen that I hurt them or aggravate them. That pain will always stay, but now I have found comfort and support online in this autism community. I have found help, acceptance, recognition, joy and peace. I wish you may find the same. I wish you will never feel the need again to type in “I wish I didn’t have Aspergers”…