Tag Archives: Asperger’s

Pensiveaspie Expressions of PosAutivity: #AutismPositivity2014

By Pensiveaspie

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I wanted to write a blog about all the positive and supportive things friends/family members have said to us.

I wanted to fill this post with hope and love so others could be inspired, so I reached out again to my aspie groups and asked for their stories.

What I found was disheartening. I guess I should say what I didn’t find: support.  When I asked my fellow aspies to share hurtful things friends and family had said to them, I was overwhelmed with responses.  When I asked for positive and supportive things from friends and family, I gave them over a week to respond.  Still, the answers were sparse:

Wendy W. – “Wow, that must have been tough

Candice S. – When I told my husband, his reply was “I know” in a very casual tone. His 2 words said everything. They said that he loves the way I am and that includes the AS.

Kelly S. – “Don’t worry, you’ve always done things in your own time.”

Sue A. – “I’m glad you found answers and are embracing who you are.”
“Thank you for being so open and sharing your experience!”
“It’s good that you know this about yourself and what you can do to work on the things you want to improve on.”

So I changed the question.
Last night, I asked “Tell me something that another ASPIE has said to you that made you feel loved and supported.”  I was delighted to see this many responses in less than 24 hours!:

Abby N. – I am kind and understanding

Colin S. – I‘m glad to have met you. Your knowledge is a gift.

Aletheia K. – “I’ve felt the same way all my life, but you actually put it into words!” Or, more simply and profoundly: “Me too.”

Aubrey M. – “We are so much alike”

J.J. B. – My aspie friend has helped me by just listening and not judging

Ron K. – I understand.

Claudia A – Well, you are different. I think it’s great, and if someone doesn’t like it they can go f*** themselves.

Alyce A. – Twins!

Debby T. – We can be weird together!

Julia R.  – Being with other people with ASD can be amazing, especially if you have similar interests, and similar ways of being and communicating. I have several family members with ASD, and just being around them can feel so good because there’s no pressure to be anything different. Also I’ve finally started to understand and appreciate how earlier generations of people with AS in my family organized their lives so as to benefit from the positive aspects of AS and to minimize the more challenging and potentially disabling parts. So it’s not so much what anyone has said, it’s just the sense of the pleasure of feeling completely normal while being around others who are very similar. While also learning from them that you can be autistic and live a good life.

John T. – You guys are the only Aspies I know and you always say nice things to me.

Anne. L. – The facilitator of the Aspie Womens Group commented on how lucky my daughter is to have an Aspie Mom. I bring a level of insight and empathy to her parenting that it is unlikely an NT parent could. I really hadn’t thought about it that way before.

Sherri S. – I admire you a lot. You seem so self-possessed and competent and unruffled.  You have a golden heart.  That’s not weird. I do that too! It is more than just words. It’s a feeling of connection and acceptance. Immediate, unconditional acceptance.

Robin H. – Often times, when others say they have “been there”, they say it with a sharp tone that we’ve learned means we’re stupid and implies “quit your whining you aren’t the only one”. Whereas when my friends who are Aspies say they have “been there”, it is explained with distinct empathy showing their hearts are in sync with mine. If only the rest of the world could know how lonely of a place it is when others do not connect in that way with us.

Kerrilynn H. – You are an inspiration to others. You help others in their journeys by being so open about mine.

Anna W. –  You’re not mad, you’re not wrong, and I rather like you.  You’re neither mad nor hopeless, you’re wonderful.  You are Anna and regardless of what label anyone chooses to slap on you or whatever metaphorical box you may be put in, you will still be Anna.

Ashley M. – I know you asked what supportive things others have said to me, but being supportive of others makes me feel loved and supported myself!  Here is something another Aspie said to me: You give me strength. Because you have been so open about your Asperger’s, I finally feel like I have the strength to find my own voice. Thank you for always being so supportive.

Jenny S. – I get you. Nobody had ever told me that before.

Wendy W. – I feel a connection with you that I’ve never felt with anyone else before- I feel like we’re twins.

gowhere

I was sad to see such a lack of support from our friends and family.  At the same time I was overjoyed with how accepting and supportive other Aspies are to each other.  Sometimes, our family isn’t our best support system.  Sometimes, we have to find our own.

If you have Asperger’s or Autism and you are not feeling supported by friends and family, reach out.

There are many support groups online – especially on facebook.  Search twitter for #aspie. Email me.  There is connection and acceptance here. There is friendship here.  You are most definitely NOT alone. <3
Go where the love is.

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Original post at:http://wp.me/p4qqov-4v

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Awakening: Reinventing Mommy Celebrates 1000 Ausome Things #AutismPositivity2013

This post was originally published on Reinventing Mommy at http://reinventingmommy.blogspot.com/2013/05/awakening-reinventing-mommy-celebrates.html and is reprinted here with permission from the author.
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When I sat with my screen open to a blank page contemplating what I would write for Autism Positivity 2013, I had a hard time selecting one specific aspect of my sweet 4-year old autistic son that does not fill me with boundless joy.  He is positivity and love and goodness personified.

Yet, when thinking on this journey that both my boy and I walk hand-in-hand each day, one word came to mind – awakening.

You see, before my son was born, I was a workaholic quality engineer for a tissue processing company.  On the day I went into the hospital to give birth, I had been on bed rest for two weeks.  I looked forward to returning to my normalcy – the hustle and bustle of my career.  If not for my son’s special needs and eventual autism diagnosis, I might still would be in that same building, cranking out reports day-after-day.  My son would be in daycare like so many other children his age.  We would be looking at private schools for his coming Kindergarten year.  He might have a sibling.  I would hurriedly make my usual Earl Grey Tea without enjoyment and would speak to people in passing.  We would be an absolutely ordinary family.  Nothing remarkable about us, really.

This little boy I carried and delivered that day had other plans.  He was here to change the world for more people than he could possibly imagine.  There would be nothing ordinary about him; he was destined for an extraordinary life.

Indeed, he has been my greatest teacher.  After my son was diagnosed, his very wise developmental pediatrician recommended that I seek training in DIR/Floortime from a very respected professional at Floortime Atlanta.  I immersed myself in her teachings and those of Dr. Stanley Greenspan, but their most poignant piece of advice was this:  Follow Your Child’s Lead.

And I have been doing so ever since.

It was a radical shift in everything I had learned about parenting.  For the first two years of his life, I had operated on the principle that so many are taught – parenting is a dictatorship.  It was my role to command; it was his to follow.  I had to throw away the parenting books full of advice and milestones and take his hand, giving him control over the life through which I was to lead him.  Instead, I gave him control, stayed at his side, and was determined to let him determine the course in the days and months and years ahead.

Floortime and my son reversed those roles and – in doing so – opened my eyes to the world as I had never seen it before.  No longer did I see flapping hands as a negative; they were a sign of my son’s overflowing joy.  When I got down on his level, put my head alongside his, and looked to see what he was seeing, I saw incredible wonders and beauty in our world that I never knew existed.  In trying to take into account his sensory needs, my senses were opened to experiences that I never imagined.  I learned just how little we really needed words for communication, that I could understand my boy without him ever saying a word.

It is through my son that I have come to understand what true beauty really is.  It is through him that I take the moment to breathe in each experience and live life to its fullest.  My morning tea no longer is made in a rush.  Instead, I inhale the aromas and watch the leaves swirl peacefully in the infuser.  I listen to the gentle clinking of the rock sugar as it hits the bottom of my glass.  I see hues of color in each bubble and marvel at its travels on the breeze.  I know that all behavior is communication and I open my eyes to hear what it is that he has to tell me.  I know that love comes in so many forms that I cannot say that his lack of spontaneous hugs and kisses means he doesn’t love; rather, his whole existence is an outpouring of love.

My little boy – my little boy who says so little while saying so much – taught me all of this.  I’d argue that it is because of his autism that he has opened my eyes and ears and heart and soul to all of the richness that life has to offer.  I followed his lead and he’s showing me the world through his eyes.

What a beautiful awakening I have experienced…all because of one little boy.

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Cari Noga Celebrates 1000 Ausome Things #AutismPositivity2013

This post was originally published by Cari Noga on http://www.carinoga.com/2013/04/30/1000-ausome-things/ and is reprinted here with permission from the author.

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So it looks like one thing. Son spells out name with train tracks. Cute.

Alphabet tracks

That’s what I would have thought three years ago. And then dismissed it.

But when my son did this two nights ago, it took my breath away. After all, difficulty with communication is a hallmark of autism. That’s what the professionals say.

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Restless Hands: What Autism Means To Me #AutismPositivity2013

This post was originally published on Restless Hands, at http://restlesshands42.wordpress.com/2013/04/30/restlesshands42-celebrates-1000-ausome-things-autismpositivity2013/and is reprinted here with permission from the author.

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It’s been a rough week so far, and I’m tired, so this will be short.

Autism has brought so much positivity into my life. I still don’t know if I qualify for a “formal” autism diagnosis, but it doesn’t really matter. The autistic community has accepted me, and supported me, and helped me to understand myself, and now I no longer feel isolated for my scattered handful of mental functioning deficits, and that is enough.

Autism has given me friends, and new hobbies, and new ways of thinking about myself, and of thinking about others, and thinking about thinking, and about education, and about human rights and dignity and intelligence.

A few days ago, I saw a screening of the documentary “Wretches and Jabberers,” the story of two men who grew up without any codified means of communication and then, as adults, traveled the world teaching others about autism and about the fact that intelligence does not require speech.

And I cried at the times in the film where I could understand the body language and needs of these men and their own aides did not.

And my dear friend and housemate flapped zir hands with me at the wonderful parts.

And zir boyfriend laughed with the two of us at some of the ridiculously clueless comments that a few allistic (non-autistic) audience members made afterward, and the three of us cheered for the two autistic young men who volunteered to come up to the microphone and tell the whole audience that they liked the film.

Autism means many different things to different people, including people on the spectrum and their families. I know that for many people, being autistic has involved a lot of pain and suffering and stigma and struggle.

I will continue to fight for a world in which being autistic does not have to involve any more pain or suffering or stigma than not being autistic.

Because to me autism means, and will always mean: laughter with happy flaps, and the fun of pointing out patterns and oddities to each other, and rocking while brainstorming about disability rights, and geeky jokes, and people who squee in joy with me at rainbow colors and the unexpected beauty of under-appreciated things like math, and science, and solitude.

To me, that is autism.

And I hope they never find a cure.

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My Boys with Autism are Awesome #AutismPositivity2013 Kat’s Cafe

This post was originally published by Katrina Moody on Kat’s Cafe, at http://katscafe.org/boys-with-autism-awesome and is reprinted here with permission from the author.

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Being Positive about Autism

Last year I was a part of the Autism Positivity project because I felt it was so important to present the positive side of autism. Our reality, yes, but not always so awful, autism is just a part of who my boys are, and my boys with autism are freakin’ awesome!

I’m not going to say it’s always rainbows and puppy dog tails, but my three guys have shown me, time and time again, how utterly awesome they really are, and this year’s Autism Positivity Project asked us to focus on that “Ausome” and share it around.

I couldn’t ask for a better reason to share a bit of our reality with you all. You see, it’s easy to be depressed, to feel overwhelmed, and to worry about the future when you have children with special needs. It doesn’t matter if your kids have autism or some other diagnosis, if you can’t see the positive in it and who those amazing kids are then it’s harder than ever to be the best parent you can be.

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Cissi Tsang: Believe in your strengths – 1000 Ausome Things #AutismPositivity2013v

Lots of people will tell you about what you can’t do. About how debilitating having autism can be. This is what I’ve noticed from a lot of non-autistic people. They either lower their expectations of you, or if you are deemed “high functioning”, then they will insist you are not autistic. That is wrong.

Remember: there’s a lot of things you CAN do as well. There are a lot of positives with autism, so work with your strengths. You are more capable than what some people would like to tell you. Just because you have autism doesn’t mean you’re meant to be a vegetable. We have a lot to offer to the world.

Sure, autism is pervasive. It defines us by colouring how we perceive and interact with the world. That doesn’t make how we operate “wrong” in any way. It’s just different.

I’m autistic, yes. I don’t make a big scene about it, but I do let people know that I have it. It’s a part of me and it shouldn’t be denied, in the same way as my ethnicity and background. I’m also a photographer, I’m studying for a Master’s in Art and Design, a freelance writer and a musician.

Do I have difficulties from autism? Yes, all the time. I’ve been described as having “extreme difficulty with sequential thinking” and “global cognitive difficulties”. Considering some of the…well, stranger ways my brain works sometimes, yes, I agree with that.

However, I refuse to let those labels restrict my aspirations. Don’t let your labels restrict you, too. There are always methods to work around anything.

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Autismcollage Celebrates 1000 Ausome Things #AutismPositivity2013

This post was originally published by Rachel on Autism Collage at http://autismcollage.tumblr.com/post/49333861042/autismcollage-celebrates-1000-ausome-things, and is reprinted here with permission from the author.

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Today I would like to celebrate getting to know my Autie little brother.

I met him a few years ago. He was a startling addition to our family and immediately became the prince of our home. His favourite foods are cereal, ice-cream, and chips, which he would gobble up (with passion) at any opportunity.  He is most skillful at riding his scooter at great speeds, through narrow spaces and around sharp corners. He even rides backwards at times, scaring my Mother to bits.

My brother is an expert of his environment – he taps sticks to explore different surfaces and sounds within his surroundings, and listens carefully to reverberations within enclosed spaces. He loves water – splashing it about, placing his hands and nose on the skin of it, jumping into it. I often wish I could perceive my environment the way he can.

My brother is an intelligent, intuitive person with a strong independent streak. He might not say much, but can understand much more than he can express. He chooses his company wisely, and is not afraid to show his displeasure towards anyone who upsets him.

I love my brother to bits, and will always strive towards understanding him, and the Autistic community better. I hope that one day he will be able to join the online community himself.

Today I celebrate getting to know him – it has been an honour! Thank you lil Matt, for absolutely changing my life.

 

 

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Andrew Dell’Antonio celebrates Ausomenesses #AutismPositivity2013

[description: a young Asian woman in her "tweens" is playing a violoncello with the assistance of a caucasian woman in her twenties, who is helping to hold the bow steady while the young Asian woman is guiding its motion with her hand; the young Asian woman has her fingers on the 'cello fingerboard, her feet are up on the chair-stool on which she is sitting; she is looking ahead very intently, and she has a slight and subtle smile on her face.]


My child is Ausome.

Sensations overwhelm her brain – her body reacts, recoils,
then she regroups, re-engages,
fully immersed in the presence of her experience
beyond joy, beyond distress
I marvel

Her tribe is Ausome.

Empathically embracing, gently firmly teaching
Celebrating and mourning, angry and loving
Generous and persevering in the face of unfathomable rejection

I am Aued.

(thanks to Paula Durbin-Westby, on whose blog this image originally appeared, with the following reflection: http://autismacceptanceday.blogspot.com/2013/04/testimony-to-power-of-autism-acceptance.html)

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Autism Art Project Celebrates 1,000 Ausome Things #AutismPositivity2013

This post was originally published on Autism Art Project at http://autismartproject.blogspot.com/2013/04/1000-ausome-things.html and is reprinted here with permission from the author.

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I used to think that preschool graduations were ridiculous.  That was before Derek.  That was before autism.

My perspective has changed.

They say a picture is worth 1000 words.  My son doesn’t have 1000 words.  By definition, Derek is still considered “non-verbal.”  Does that matter?  Not at all.  Derek has found ways to communicate.  If he can’t find the words verbally, he’ll take my hand and show me what he wants or point to things. If you ask me, his smile alone speaks volumes.  So do his eyes.

When I look at this picture, I don’t see a little boy with a cheesy grin in a cap and gown.  I see a million other moments that led to this one, great moment.  I see a 2-year-old struggling to learn how to use PECS.  I see a child with so many sensory issues that putting a hat on his head hurt him.  I see the same boy with tears streaming down his cheeks on his very first day of preschool.  And I see a child with big, shining eyes chasing after bubbles and finally saying his first word, “bubba.”

The cap and gown are symbols of how much Derek has accomplished; how much he has overcome in the past few years.  My son learned more than just the ABC’s and 123’s in preschool.  He discovered how to interact and play with other children.  He figured out how to follow directions and ask for help.  He learned how to dress himself and use the toilet on his own.  I could go on and on…

I couldn’t possibly be more proud of this little boy.

He deserves a cap and gown.
He deserves cake and ice cream.
He deserves a party.
He deserves all that I have to offer as a parent.
He deserves every opportunity that the teachers and the school can provide.

He deserves the world.
(Because he’s ausome.)

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Carla, and son Joel – 1000 Ausome Things: About Me #AutismPositivity2013

We’ve always been very open with our son about his diagnoses of Asperger’s and severe ADHD. It has helped him understand that he is not a bad guy for his behavior, that it is explainable and that he can work to improve. Last year he began public school, 6th grade middle school, and was bullied and taunted – the kids did not understand his quirks – so we convinced the principal to allow him to read this paper that he composed about himself. The beginning to solving the problem was his classmates knowing the ‘why’. His openness helped tremendously! and encouraged others to be open with their differences <3

“About me:
I really like to play on the computer, mostly Garry’s Mod. I have 3 cats, a dog and a bunch of fish and I really like animals. I really love Jolly Ranchers. I have a great memory and I like to learn new things. I’m just a regular kid, but you may have noticed that something about me is a little different. My doctor says I have Asperger’s, which is a kind of autism. I’m not sick. I’m not contagious. My brain is just ‘wired’ differently. It’s like it has a short circuit; sometimes it’s on, sometimes it’s off, and sometimes it misfires.
I have to think about a lot of things that I do, things that other kids can do without even thinking about them, so that takes more time for me to figure out. It can be really hard for me to explain what I mean, or understand what someone else means..
When I start saying something it’s really hard for me to stop until I finish the comment or statement.
Sometimes I can act a little weirder than I am – I don’t know when to quit – I can’t change gears very fast from one thing to another, or from one thought to another.
My hearing is extra-sensitive. It’s like everything is either too loud or not loud enough, so sometimes I make noises because it helps me to feel better. I don’t know why. I just do.
I don’t mean to make people uncomfortable when I get too close or when I look at them too long – I’m working on not being clumsy and not getting in people’s personal space.
I like things to stay normal – change is hard – I don’t really like surprises – little things can bother me, like noises and movement.
I’m trying to learn how to act right and be a friend, but I have a hard time getting along with other people.
If I ever offend you, you should tell me right away because sometimes I really don’t know when I’ve done something upsetting or silly. Please be patient with me while I keep learning.
My Asperger’s does not make me any less special than anybody else, but it also does not make me more special, just different. If you ever have any questions about Asperger’s, you can look on-line, or it’s perfectly okay to ask me! The more I talk about it the more I figure it out. If I don’t know the answer I’ll find it out and get back to you on it!
Thank you for listening.”

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