Shawna to “I wish I didn’t have Asperger’s” #AutismPositivity2012

I don’t blog, so I’m not sure how to do this (and sorry if this comes across a babbling but it’s unedited and straight from the heart)…I wish my beautiful baby girl didn’t have Aspergers….but if she didn’t she would not likely be the amazing, wonderfully talented, kind hearted lady she is today. I just wish we knew sooner so we could work through it…but then I wouldn’t have had the insight into her mind as I watched her Sophmore year of high school through now, the end of her senior year, learn to understand herself and the figure a way to be successful in the world around her. We knew she had challenges and was an under achiever but for too many years I didn’t understand why. She would blank out of the world under stress and I couldn’t get her to come back. Then she learned how to expand the recesses of her mind when she was stressed and gradually I watched her learn how to control her mind and not shut the world out. I wish that she would have been more loving as a child and “wanted” me around…but little did I know for too many years she wanted and needed me right there in the shadows so people didn’t look at her weird for “needing” her mom so much but there anticipating her needs and to calm her should she start to panic from too much stimulation. I wish I would have known that she needed a dark quiet room instead of telling her that was weird and adding to her stress. And now, I just wish more people understood. Especially the part she’s not dumb or confused, she actually sees it all so much more clearly that everyone around her and it’s frustrating to her at times that she can see the house on fire and no one else can. And maybe you don’t understand because her brain is working at 10x the level you are capable of on your best day while she’s half asleep. Thank you to all the people making more people aware and making it easier for people like my beautiful baby girl to live peacefully in this world.

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One response to “Shawna to “I wish I didn’t have Asperger’s” #AutismPositivity2012

  1. Sue

    Dear Shawna,
    Parenting is hard and I believe those of us with children on the spectrum tend to beat ourselves up more than most. I know I have. I too have a beautiful, bright, talented, teenage daugther on the spectrum. We found out when she was 10, but that still left years of mistakes prior to the correct diagnosis.

    I am glad your daughter is doing well and I absolutely love your post. Understanding is everything when it comes to parenting, and I hope if the person who searched the Internet does not have understanding parents yet, that his or her parents will find understanding one day.

    FYI: I am also known as D. S. Walker and my post is the one from Delightfully Different Life.

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