This post was originally published at http://cynk.wordpress.com/2012/04/30/that-cynking-feeling-to-i-wish-i-didnt-have-aspergers-autismpositivity2012-flash-blog/ and is reprinted here with permission of the author.
that cynking feeling to “I Wish I Didn’t Have Aspergers”: #AutismPositivity2012 Flash Blog
Dear “I Wish I Didn’t Have Aspergers”:
I don’t have Asperger’s Syndrome.
I think it’s important that I state that first and foremost. Not only to let you know, but to remind myself. I don’t personally know what life is like as experienced by someone with Asperger’s. My knee-jerk (emphasis on jerk) reaction is to tell you, “Oh, don’t say that. You don’t mean that.” I would have no right. I would be wrong.
I’m sure you do mean that. You probably mean it more than people who wistfully say, “I wish had didn’t have curly hair,” or the ones that lament, “I wish I hadn’t inherited my father’s nose.”
Even though I don’t have your direct experience with Asperger’s, I do know what it is like to wonder “What if?” and to think about things I would change in life if I could. Some of those things are within my control, some are not.
I imagine that’s might be part of the reason you searched for the phrase, “I Wish I Didn’t Have Aspergers.” This is not something that you have control over. You were probably wondering if anyone feels the same.
Today, lots of people are writing you letters. Most of them are more qualified than I am to speak to your experience. Let me tell you why I am writing today.
A few months ago, my three-and-a-half-year-old son was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. I would be lying if I said that it hadn’t crossed my mind to think, “I wish my son didn’t have autism.”
But he does. And I am gradually learning to accept that reality. Because autism is a part of him. And I love him with all my heart. With each passing day I am realizing that he is not the one who should or needs to change. I am. I’m the one who needs to become more self-less, more understanding, more patient, more creative, more tolerant.
I hope that you have many people in your life who love you as I do my son. If they do, they love for who you are right now. These people who love and support would change the world for you, not ask you to change.
You have a lot of other messages to read, so I’ll keep mine short. I just hope that the next time that you or someone else searches for the phrase “I wish I didn’t have asperbergers,” you will find these words of support.
Wishing you the best,
that cynking feeling
P.S. To give credit where credit is due:
This Autism Positivity Flash Blog Event is the brainchild of Thinking About Perspectives, a group of bloggers committed to increasing autism awareness and acceptance via open and respectful dialogue. We are: 30 Days of Autism, Outrunning the Storm, The Third Glance, Aspie Kid, Flappiness Is, Quirky and Laughing, Life on the Spectrum, Fairy Tale Forgotten, The Aspie Side of Life, and Inner Aspie.